Christmas is Creepy - Part 2

PART 2 - CREEPY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS

Every year, millions of Americans murder a living tree and decorate its carcass to celebrate the birth of Christ. So when you really stop and think about it, why not go for the gusto by decorating your dead tree with creepy Christmas ornaments?

1. UNBORN FETUS SOLDIER

MissPoppy.com does not appear to be selling the Unborn Fetus Soldier ornament (circa 2006) any longer, but she’s got some seriously WHACKED supposedly Christian merchandise to “celebrate your life in Christ.” Her original marketing campaign for the unborn fetus soldier is creepy in and of itself:

"Protect our troops - from the womb to the war. What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?  Plastic replica of an 11-12 week old fetus, 3" long, holding a firearm in its precious little hand, with an assortment of other military paraphernalia, encased in a translucent plastic ornament, with a patriotic yellow ribbon on top. Includes a metal ornament hanger. If only a womb were this safe, attractive and reasonably priced! Show that you support the 'culture of life' by buying and proudly displaying one of these patriotic unborn Americans."

2. YULE DOOS

Monthlydoos.com is marketing its poop collection (currently sold out, but available from other vendors) of Yule Doos, for those of you who want to decorate your tree with a big pile of poop. Yep, that's right. A frozen, swirly, snow-frosted piece of -- presumably doggie -- excrement, hung with a big red satin bow. 

(Never fear, these turds are unscented.)

Those of you with dogs may not want to hang this one too close to the bottom branches.

3. SUFFERING SANTA CLAUS


Photo courtesy of The Huffington Post


What started as a lark became a side gig for fine artist Michael R. Oddo when he created Suffering Santas six years ago, wooden sculptures of Santa depicted while undergoing a variety of torture methods. These morbid ornaments began as a creative testament to the artist's disdain for the commercialism of Christmas, but gained popularity through word of mouth. Now you, too, can decorate your dead tree with Santa on the electric chair or Guillotine Santa. The artist does not have a web site, but according to the Huffington Post article where I located his delightfully ghoulish ornaments, an album of his ornaments can be viewed on his Facebook page (link above). I checked out the page and didn't see the album, (privacy settings) but you can contact the artist about orders with the email link.

4. ZOMBIE FINGER

Here's a little gem of an ornament that is both delightfully creepy AND affordably priced! Handmade zombie fingers sclupted from of polymer clay are available for $8.99 plus $2.00 S&H from Midnite Muse Boutique LLC.

Hang these creepy little fingers on your dead tree and beckoning the Christmas spirit may invite more than you bargained for...

4. LADY DEATH ORNAMENT

Okay, the ornament itself isn't necessarily creepy -- if a bit racy -- the creepy part comes in when you read Toyfare's suggested age market of 4 YEARS OLD and up! What kind of sick parents would buy their four-year-old child a Christmas ornament depicting a sexually provocative dominatrix named Lady Death wearing S&M clothing?! And if that's not disturbing enough, they want $24.99 for this sexy little "toy."





5. DEVIL HEAD ORNAMENT

I almost didn't include this 3" glass ornament available from Old World Christmas since visually, it's kind of cute, but the idea behind hanging Satan's head on your tree to celebrate the birth of Christ is inherently creepy. I also enjoyed the description of the glass ornament as "carefully mouth-blown into a fine mold" -- plus it has liquid silver inside. Even though it's pretty bizarre and creepy when you actually stop and think about it, I may get this one for my tree. He's definitely unique. A naughty little devil. Smiling. Happy. And only $8.99.



6. BEELZEBUB ORNAMENT

This kneeling ram-like ornament of a satanic Beelzebub definitely can't be desribed as "cute." And to think I found it on UK Amazon. Yep. Those Europeans are certainly in touch with their pagan roots. Looking at it, I'm not sure it's a tree ornament, but since ol' Scratch is described as a "devil ornament figure" I'm including him in the list of creepy ornaments. He sells for a whopping £24.99. 




 7. NAZI BALLS

This boxed collection of WWII Nazi Christmas ornaments is probably the most creepy of all. I came across it during a random search of creepy ornaments. I don't believe it's for sale, but if it is, I wouldn't add any links to encourage people to buy it. Definitely creepy to think anyone would hang these ornaments on their Christmas tree.


8. MAGIC MUSHROOM

I came across this creepy-looking magic mushroom ornament at Ureality Magazine who credits it to artist Jaime Magary. I couldn't locate a price tag on a quick search, but his DeviantART link might yield better results. This little guy is creepy in a surprisingly delicious way. Reminds me of the singing mushrooms from the movie The 10th Kingdom. Me likee.


9. NUDIST CHRISTMAS

This anatomically correct craft ornament depicting two nudists is creepy. I couldn't track down purchasing details for all you little deviants out there, but considering how much time I spent doing that for the other ornaments, admittedly, I'm a little sick of shopping for creepy ornaments at this point. This one tickles my funny bone, and so I'm including it for your entertainment. Have a good laugh at the logo on the chair. I'm posting in its original size so all you little perverts don't have to squint to see the his/hers private parts.

10. KRAMPUS ORNAMENT


I wanted to end on a high note to pay homage to the new king of Christmas Creepy, Santa's good buddy Krampus. My search of Krampus ornaments was surprisingly disappointing until I changed it to "Victorian" Krampus ornaments, and then holy of holies did I run across some CREEPY SH*T! There was a lot to choose from, but this one did it for me (he looks like a hairy RATMAN!). Advertised as a puppet for a Krampus decoration show in Toronto, its maker Crankbunny has a video clip on her blog of the moving Krampus clanging his rusty bells and chains. I couldn't embed the video here because she has that option disabled, but if you visit her website and scroll down the page, you can watch the 30 second clip and get a bizarre creepy thrill. Enjoy!


The Christmas countdown continues with more creepy holiday thrills to come...