Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas is Creepy - Part 5

PART 5 - CREEPY FATHER CHRISTMAS

"He sees you when you're sleeping...he knows when you're awake...he knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"

During the countdown to Christmas, we met Santa's creepy pal Krampus, but maybe...just maybe, we should have been paying closer attention to Santa himself. When you really stop and think about it, there is something inherently creepy about the idea of an old, fat man with an obsession for children who likes to dress up in red velvet and play with little elves.

They say birds of a feather flock together...






Let's think about this for a moment.

Why would a supposedly kind and jolly old man invite such a creep like Krampus to travel with him into the homes of unsuspecting children?


They look pretty chummy to me.

What does Santa really do when Krampus finds a naughty kid and turns him over his knee for a good spanking?

Does he just stand there and watch? A voyeur to child abuse?

Nowhere was it mentioned that Santa ever tried to intervene on these sadistic spank-fests going in Austrian homes.


Note the way Krampus kneels beside Santa in chains.

Evidence would seem to suggest that Santa is, himself, a dangerous man.

1) Aliases (Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, St. Nicholas, Pere Noel, Father Christmas).
2) Lives in a remote, unknown location in the North Pole.
3) Breaking & Entering - no convictions.
4) Suspected abuse of hallucinogenic drugs (claims of flying reindeer) - never substantiated. 
5) Consorting with known criminals.

How much do we really know about Santa Claus? And what mysterious power does he exert that drives adults to perpetuate his false identity?

Check out this array of photos and judge for yourself.

Is this the face of an innocent  man?






























HO HO HO!

[Warning - if you're easily offended by vulgar language, don't listen to the below song by Australian comedian Kevin Bloody Wilson. If, however, you don't mind a few f-bombs, enjoy the hell out of it. I did.]





Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas is Creepy - Part 4

PART 4 - CREEPY CHILDREN'S TOYS

Frightening children into good behavior is a renowned Christmas tradition the world over, whether it take the form of bribery: "Santa won't bring you any Christmas presents" or assault: "Krampus will toss you in a sack and throw you in a stream." Sure it's all harmless fun when parents do it, but what about those sick tickets who carry tradition a little too far?

I have a funny feeling Santa won't be visiting this island of misfit toys...










































































































LAST BUT NOT LEAST...


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Christmas is Creepy - Part 3

PART 3: CREEPY CHRISTMAS ADS

JACKPOT! We all know how gimmicky some marketing campaigns can be, but these bizarre Christmas advertisements are just plain creepy! No need to hype this post with cute hyperbole; these ads speak for themselves.


  I dare you to make a crack about this one.



 Available at Creepy Kids R Us.



This Christmas, give the gift of scarred memories.




"Deck the halls with plop plop, fizz fizz, fa la la la la la la, ahh..." AFTER you take an Alka Seltzer. And remember to light a match afterward.


President Ronald Reagan says "yes" to endorsing addiction. (Don't tell Nancy.)





Double-homicide puts the creep into Christmas.






I'd just like to know what food this is supposed to be marketing.



Nice beaver.




Hey Santa, guess who's gonna have a Merry Christmas? *Point, point, wink wink*



Best/Worst part about this...it's an ad from a church.



You give more than a pipe when you give Kay woodie. I'll bet.




"I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust."  ~ Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal



Even Santa gets depressed around the holidays.




Don we now our gay apparel...




Archie & The Gang File Charges

'Nuff said.



TeeHee.




Mrs. Claus may want Santa to give her a rigid iron board, but I think she gave him one first.  



Oh oh oh, the fun places we'll go...



Random WTF?




Not really an ad, but too good not to post.




Santa's a 3-packer kinda guy.




Death Row Christmas tunes are a shocking hit in prison.




Children, stop pulling Santa's package.




Santa rides the golden rocket.




Random WTF?




Chestnuts two-headed babies roasting on an open fire...




Not creepy, but I had to throw it in here...this is pure awesomeness.


And last but not least...CREEPY CHRISTMAS PERSONIFIED!