I have some truly amazing friends. Whenever I’m depressed about something in my life, I can always count on my friends to get my back. I can count the number of close friends I have on one hand, and they are all truly special people for whom I would do anything to help.
So when Nancy asked my friend Charlie and I for help rescuing her daughter’s dog – who was living in an abusive home with her daughter’s ex – we both jumped in. Nancy was unable to move Diesel into her small townhouse because she is deathly allergic to dogs. Not to mention, her townhouse is currently home to a young granddaughter, and both daughters, one of whom is pregnant. The problem: Diesel was a 2-year-old pit bull. Unfortunately for many people, “Pit Bull” has become synonymous with “dangerous” so placing Diesel with a rescue organization was not going to be easy. Charlie and I spent two days contacting rescue shelters in the metro Atlanta area, emailing our friends and coworkers, some of whom are connected with dog rescue societies. No takers. We were able to secure promises for listing Diesel if we could find someone to foster him, and that’s when Charlie stepped in and volunteered to foster Diesel. Since Charlie already has a dog and lives an apartment owned by his roommate, he first had to secure permission from Matt to move Diesel in. This was granted on the condition that Diesel’s stay was on a temporary basis. Charlie would be the primary caregiver, which included responsibility for feeding, walking, and basic necessities inherent with pet ownership.
Step 2 was getting Diesel neutered. Placing a Pit is difficult enough, but rescue organizations will not even list an un-neutered dog on their website. Diesel’s former owner declined to have the procedure because she felt it took away part of what made him special. This is a sad and unfortunately all-too-common belief among inexperienced dog owners. After much ado, Charlie obtained the procedure for Diesel through a low-cost non-profit, which Nancy paid for. Approximately 2 weeks later, Charlie was scheduled for a 5-day vacation with his family on Cumberland Island, which required his roommate be responsible for Diesel in his absence. I would take Charlie’s dog Jake to stay at my house with my two dogs, lessening the burden on Matt with only one dog to watch instead of two. Unfortunately, the day before Charlie was scheduled to return, Diesel got sick with diarrhea. We all know this because up-to-the-minute complaints about Diesel’s condition were posted to Facebook, along with complaints about the mess, the disruption and inconvenience of caring for a sick animal, and resentment over the lack of financial compensation and verbal appreciation from Diesel's former owner for taking him in.
Knowing Matt is not a dog person, I can understand and even sympathize with the inconvenience to his routine and the fear and emotional stress he must have experienced watching Diesel’s condition worsen. However, what began as a source of snarky comments on Facebook quickly deteriorated into a blog post full of resentment directed at the former owner, followed by a second day of complaints that fell short of hysteria when Diesel’s condition worsened.
I received a call at 8:27 AM to ask for advice on whether Diesel should see a vet about the diarrhea. I have 2 dogs, and know from experience that diarrhea is a common occurrence and can mean anything from a piece of garbage swiped on a walk to a serious ailment. Not knowing the extent of the mess, I quizzed Matt about Diesel’s eating habits and provided 2 options: 1) I would call and make an appointment for Diesel with my vet or 2) he could cook rice for Diesel’s breakfast and watch him to see if the diarrhea got better on a softer diet. Matt was reluctant to take Diesel to a vet and wanted to clean the mess before committing to a decision. I sensed he was worried about the financial obligation of a vet bill, and told him I would help pay for a vet visit and not to worry about the money. He said he would call me back and let me know. At 9:31, I received a second call announcing that Diesel’s diarrhea contained blood, and he needed to get to a vet immediately.
I called my vet, explained the situation that Diesel was a foster dog and I would personally be responsible for the bill, and they should call me once treatment was performed and I’d pay with credit card. Meanwhile, coincidentally, I received a call from Nancy regarding a work matter, and informed her of the situation. She immediately insisted on paying for the vet visit, and arrangements were made. I then called Matt and told him the appointment was set for 10:00 AM, and he should call me once the vet was done and Nancy would give them her credit card over the phone. I thought I had made certain he should not be concerned about financial obligation for Diesel’s vet care. During the vet visit, I received 2 more calls from Matt to update me about progress. The first at 10:10 was to ask if I knew Diesel’s vaccine history. The second call at 10:16 – six minutes later during which I am trying to locate Diesel’s vaccine records -- was to inform me Diesel was vomiting blood in the vet’s office and the vet suspected Parvo – which is highly contagious with a high mortality risk and may have been passed on to Charlie’s dog Jake who was now with my 2 dogs who might be infected. Gah! The vet wanted to do an X-ray but required a promise of payment before they would proceed. Matt also informed me that now was the time to have “that talk” about Diesel – which I understood to mean: 1) we needed to decide if Diesel should be euthanized rather than incur more financial expense and continue living in Matt’s home.
Make no mistake, I was highly annoyed.
Rather than blast Matt over the phone at the vet’s, I instead pointed out “that talk” about Diesel living in Matt’s home needed to happen with Charlie. Charlie was Diesel’s primary caregiver, and if Matt had reservations about Diesel in his apartment, he needed to voice them to Charlie and not me – in effect relying on my friendship with Charlie to communicate this without having to confront Charlie about it himself. I advised Matt not to worry about the money – Nancy would cover any expenses the vet had, and asked him to please call me before he left the vet’s office. When we hung up, I called Nancy who called in her credit card info to pay for the visit. Meanwhile, I waited to hear back from Matt about the diagnoses, and set about obtaining the vaccine records from Nancy which I then faxed to my vet’s office. After a lengthy passage of time during which I am at work, freaking out about the risk to my own dogs, scrambling on the phone between Nancy, my vet, Matt, and trips to the fax machine, I finally called the vet for an update when I never heard back from Matt. I was given the details on Diesel’s condition from an obviously irritated Doctor who informed me that Matt was walking out with Diesel right that moment. I then received a short description of the vet visit from the Doctor.
Apparently, Matt had initially refused to sign an admission form for Diesel’s treatment, claiming he was not the dog’s owner and had no financial responsibility for the animal and would not make any decisions for treatment of the dog he’d just driven to the vet. He had also, apparently, expressed remarks to the effect that if he were the decision-maker, Diesel would have been euthanized based on the rationale: “at what point do we continue throwing money at a dog no one wants?” The vet made it clear that Matt obviously had no concern for Diesel and his attitude had made it very difficult to discuss Diesel’s treatment and perform medical services.
Knowing Matt is not a dog-person, and this was—most assuredly—a high-stress situation that was out of his comfort zone, I suppressed irritation over how this was handled. The important fact was that Diesel had been treated with medication and taken home to rest and recuperate. My vet specifically told me that if his diarrhea did not desist or if he continued vomiting blood, he would require hospitalization. After receiving the vaccination records – within approx 5 minutes of Matt’s leaving the office without calling me – the Doctor ruled out Parvo as a possibility.
After this exhaustive ordeal, when I get around to logging in to Facebook, I see the below comment posted by Matt, followed by a string of comments speculating on Diesel’s condition, and whether he has Parvo.
“So here’s the deal, Diesel is very badly sick and may require hospitalization. The Doctor shot him full of dewormer, sub-cue-fluids and anti-nausea medication but we don’t know what’s causing this and his stool is entirely liquid and from what I can tell largely blood. Also Jake Gollmar will have to wait a few days to come home.”
Now I am officially angry.
Here’s why: If Matt had bothered to call me from the vet’s office before he left – as I asked him to do – I could have told him I was faxing the vaccine records to the Doc in time for Matt to hang out for 5 minutes to be appraised of the situation: Diesel does not have Parvo. Now, Matt has taken an admittedly bad situation and completely overreacted with wild speculation about contamination to his apartment and the expense of ripping out carpet, not to mention, informing me via Facebook by tagging Jake’s name that I would be responsible for keeping Jake three more days in my home.
Rather than pay me the courtesy of calling me to inform me of Diesel’s diagnoses after such an ordeal, or that I needed to keep Jake, he posts a comment on Facebook. Because logging in to update strangers about Diesel’s condition took less time than pressing a button on his phone.
Keep in mind, Charlie, Diesel's primary caregiver, was due back in town that same evening.
I don’t think I would have been as upset if not for the public airing of resentment. Unfortunately, some people just don’t do well in a crisis. I think the main source of my irritation can be summed up in a comment Charlie posted to one of the Diesel updates:
“Agreeing to foster a dog and then taking him to the pound (and essentially killing him) the first time it gets inconvenient is pretty much the height of selfishness. If that's your first reaction then please never put yourself in a position where you're responsible for an animal's life.”
In closing, after having written all this and having a night to sleep on it, I realize that even though your friends may not always make the best decisions, and even if they are sometimes selfish or insensitive, and overreact, if they are your friends, you forgive them. So, Matt, I forgive you. Even though you probably had no idea how angry I was.
And I will never, ever burden you with any requests for the care of my dogs.
Heart of Scars by Brian P. Easton
